Today marks the honest start of the Summer movie season. The temperatures are rising and this summer looks like it could be a classic. Patton Oswalt predicted on Twitter that we could be looking at a summer similar to 1983 or 1984. If he is in any way correct, we’re in for a good one. I personally have high hopes set on several of the season’s offerings including big tent pole blockbusters and smaller independent offerings. Here are my thoughts after
watching a bunch of trailers serious in-depth research, I included a little truth in advertising by creating potential taglines for each flick.
3- Iron Man 3
Potential Tagline: Ben Kingsley as Heath Ledger as the Mandarin
RDJ returns as everyone’s favorite Black Sabbath-named hero. Ben Kinglsey is on board as The Mandarin and from the sounds of the trailer, he’s doing his best Heath Ledger-as-The Joker impression, but with more missiles. You know what they say, when you want to improve on a defining performance, just add more missiles. The action sequences in trailers look fantastic, so if the story holds a candle to it, we could be in for something special.
10- The Great Gatsby
Potential Tagline: Skip Your Summer Reading Assignment and Stare at Leo!
I used to be VERY bad at books. This one helped turn me around. I finally got it when I read F. Scott Fitzgerald’s excellent tome. I’m hoping the film can live up to it. I’ve seen the older version and thought it was fine. This one LOOKS EXPENSIVE. And the cast is nothing to shake a stick at. If Baz Luhrmann, who I’ll never forgive for “The Sunscreen Song” can apply his visual flair, I’m thinking this one has a chance to be quite entertaining. Plus, I’m on a Leo high after his performance in Django Unchained.
17- Star Trek Into Darkness
Potential Tagline: Khan or Not, It’ll have lens flares.
I was an outspoken fan of J.J. Abrams’ first voyage on the Enterprise and from the looks of things, he took that mold and cranked it up. Having no real previous Trek experience, I’ve got nothing to tether it to, so take what I say with a grain of salt. But adding Benedict Cumberbatch to be cold and calculating seems like a huge win, whether he’s Khan or not.
24- Before Midnight
Potential Tagline: The Final Chapter Because Before Noon Sounds Stupid.
Our first entry of counterprogramming, Before Midnight will take fans of the other “Before” films on their final journey with Ethan Hawke & Julie Delpy. Words will be spoken, feelings will be felt (other potential tagline).
24-Fast & Furious 6
Potential Tagline: We Might As Well Be Printing Money At This Point.
The amount of money this franchise has made is just unbearable. Paul Walker has had probably the greatest movie career of any modern star of his caliber. The series is often unintelligible and the timeline of all of the movies might as well be written by the guys from LOST. All of that aside, Fast Five was incredibly entertaining and I will definitely be seeing this film. Much like its rampant success, it boggles the mind.
24- The Hangover: Part III
Potential Tagline: We Promise We Wrote A Different Movie This Time.
The Wolfpack is Back. It was bound to happen, you don’t make 1 quadrillion dollars (rough estimate) as a comedy and then NOT have two sequels right? Well, you don’t if you’re this franchise.
31- The Kings of Summer
Potential Tagline: In a World Where Teenagers Could Truly Build A House…
Another bit of counterprogramming. Advanced buzz is that this film is hilarious and could be a breakout hit of the summer. A coming of age story about a few fellas building a house in the woods. Sounds riveting, I know, but it’s apparently the next Superbad with a little more heart.