Hey there, sofa fashionistas! We’re back to Project Runway for the last challenge of the season! After this we see them prep collections, there will probably be another offing, then we’re on to fashion week! The DVR says, “The design competition starts to get heated up as the judges prepare a unique challenge for the designers, asking them to create a mini-collection that will showcase each individual designer’s creative vision; Zoe Saldana serves as guest judge.” Exciting stuff!
- Josh will hold a grudge against Anya
- Kim will finally go nuts
- Laura will probably cry
- There will be a warm-hearted joke about missing Bert.
- Kim’s out
So after a brief introduction from Heidi, the designers are whisked away by ferry to Governor’s Island. I’m mildly disappointed that no one made a Titanic joke. The designers are on the hook for three looks in a range inspired by things on the island. I’m apprehensive, because the challenges where they have to use the world as inspiration are always either amazing or bland as all get out. And why did they pass up the opportunity to race golf carts? Amateurs.
Oh, Josh. Darling. “Artilerary” is not a word. I’m sad for you right now. Laura is wrought with anxiety, saying “Just get yourself through one more.” That’s defeatist, Laura my dear, and it makes me worry for your work on this last challenge.
At Mood, Kim decides to go for cantaloupe as a color. I’m horrified and thrilled at the same time. Laura’s is going to “buy, buy, buy,” and I can’t help but think this is foreshadowing. Anya’s color palate is black, ivory and rust. I think I’m going to cry.
Back at the workroom, Tim hauls out the button bag! The designers get to pick an assistant, which means we’re potentially subjected to more of Olivier’s brand of neurosis. If he says one thing about fat people I’m going to scream.
StraightColin says: Ladies, hide your boobs. Olivier is here and he may faint dead away at the sight of them.
Kim picks Becky because she can sew. Viktor picks Olivier and I vomit in my mouth a little. Laura picks Anthony, which is exciting. Meanwhile, Anya is on the defensive like whoa. And Bert feels he and Anya are a good complement. The reality is Anya will make him sew. Just like Josh will make Bryce sew. Bryce, baby, just shut up and do exactly what he says so he can’t throw you under the bus. Becky takes direction well, and she likes Kim, so she may well save Kim and ruin my prediction. Anthony and Laura will work amazing together. Josh wants to paint things and Bryce is… not on board. He wants to tell Josh to edit. I say Josh will bite his jugular and use the blood to dye some fabric. Just you watch.
Bryce is very astute about tension in the finals. I prefer seasons where everyone gets along because then the drama of loss is so potent. It’s better than eating away my feelings. I love it.
Tim comes in to critique and begins with Laura. He thinks the stencil is a bit of a novelty and maybe it shouldn’t be in all three looks. I tend to agree with Viktor – the shapes are distracting. She needs to edit and be very careful. She can rock fashion week but she needs to get out of her head and feel things just a little bit more.
We move on to Kim, and I am literally startled by that fabric choice. Did she get a call from Nene Leakes? And that dress does look like the Statue of Liberty. Don’t get snarky, Kim, Tim is trying to help you.
StraightColin says: Statue of Liberty? No. I see the Chrysler Building. Now I can’t get Keep it Gay out of my head.
Josh is dealing with “soft and hard.” Talk about a Cialis moment. I’m not sure about Josh’s ideas yet, and really I don’t think Anya’s opinions have much weight considering she couldn’t tailor a napkin into a swan if she tried. Speaking of, Anya’s doing a dress, a gown, and a wrap. Are you kidding me? Tim just reminded you that range is required. Here’s what’s going to happen: Bert will pattern and sew what little is structured on these looks, and the rest will be drapey flowy froo froo. And it will be boring.
True to form, Olivier doesn’t disappoint. He doesn’t think the boobs fit in Viktor’s top. Which is to say, “AHMG BOOOBS! NOOOOO!!!!” Someone get him a chamomile and a Xanax before he goes into fits. Bert doesn’t think Josh’s look is sophisticated. I think it’s edgy. Bert would clearly much prefer a flowy caftan inspired by Farrah Faucet (rest her soul).
Not to stray off topic too much, but Farrah came into a Gap I worked at once. We were all whispering about whether or not it was her because she had on big glasses and a white track suit that had seen better days and plenty of coffee stains. She signed for her credit card and my friend Ashley popped up from behind the counter and said, “Oh my God it’s YOU!” She requested we not make a big deal of it. So instead we continued to comment on how she looked ridden hard and hung up wet. I believe the term used was, “To’ up from the flo’ up.” Afterwards, anytime the store was a hot mess we would say it was looking a little too Farrah. Bless her.
StraightColin says: Something about Kim’s look reminds me of a kimono dragon. And not in an exotic way, but in a “Oh God it’s going to eat me!” sort of way.
And there’s Laura, crying in the interview. Man, I knock these predictions out of the park!
We’re on to the day of the runway, and Bert comments that he’s fixing Anya’s mistakes. What did you think you’d be doing? Anya has finally has in this challenge what she tried to hide needing the whole time: someone to tell her how to put things together.
Quote of the night goes to Laura, for which I literally laughed out loud: “I think that Kim’s stuff is really confusing. Two of her garments look like they have goiters growing out of their legs. So… I don’t get that. You don’t wear plastic fabric. How are you going to wash that stuff? With a washcloth?
The seam on the butt of Laura’s dress is unfortunate. She should have cut it so there’s no seam in the middle of that circle. Anya goes on and on about the problems with her garment. I’m a little sad her inexperience has somehow been overlooked up until the last challenge. It’s bothersome.
StraightColin says: I don’t know if it’s the TV color, the film color, or something with my eyes, but Josh is the same color as his jacket. That man is puce. He has puce skin.
Our guest judge tonight is Zoe Saldana, whom I love. And she’s looking cute and sleek in her little jumper with that cropped hair. I want to go get a cocktail with her. On the runway, Josh’s first dress is a little bland, but that’s probably a good thing for him. It’s of course beautifully constructed and I love the back on it. I think Zoe will, too. I like the studded tank and the skirt, but something about that jacket vest makes the model look like she has a tummy.
I don’t see Kim’s inspirations in her looks at all. You know what I see? Elmo. That’s a tickle-me trench coat. I think I may have burned out some pixels on my TV by watching that come down the runway. And then we get to see the same fabric in a top with a teardrop boob peek and what the hell is going on with that skirt?!
Laura’s blazer is delicious. The babydoll cocktail thing is a little dowdy, and the detailing on the shoulders and bodice is a little weak. This gown is… miraculous. The back detailing is amazing. I’m glad she didn’t use that stenciling in everything. Anya’s black dress is expected. It’s the cocktail version of her last look. The drapey pants look a little thrown together and no structure. I’m not sold.
StraightColin says: Bedsheets on parade. This looks like a fashion show in the JCPenney houswares and bedding department.
Viktor’s first look is nice, but the flappy things on the jacket look… odd. His separates look is downright slick, but the top is a little too department store to feel high fashion. He does some bunched detailing on the skirt, but unlike Kim’s, it’s done right. It’s not at all unflattering and creates a unique silhouette. And her butt is killer in it. The cocktail dress is a nice take on the little black dress. Clean lines and surprising structural elements. But is it enough to nab the win?
Heidi says some will go to fashion week and one or more will be out. So ambiguous. I doubt they’ll send two home.
The judges have mixed reactions to Josh’s looks. Nothing too high, nothing too low. Everyone has something they like but something of which they’re critical. Kim’s cocktail dress and the styling with it is nice, but it’s really familiar. She’s done this a few times before. I’m glad Michael thinks the color palate is odd, because I do too. Kim is so dismissive of the judges’ critiques, and Heidi calls her out on it. “I know what’s wrong, so why are you telling me?” Really? You’re gonna get tossed, lady
My roommate got home as I was finishing and they get to Anya’s critique, and all he could say was, “Wow.” And not in a good way. Seriously… take those dresses off, we need our curtains back. She’s talking about the different lines and structure of the statues, but I don’t see that! Except in the back. What do they like about this? It’s all so simple and bland, an there’s no pushing here! Michael! This is so one-note. I’m yelling at my TV. I just don’t understand what is going on here.
Viktor’s looks all close together look cohesive but they just don’t look as chic for some reason. But clearly I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. Somehow they like this LESS than Anya. I really can’t understand it at all. But Michael says something I agree with (for once this episode), he’s got the most commercial look.
StraightColin says: Something tells me the judges have a little too much “runway punch” before the critique starts. “I need a PA here to top me off! And a vermouth chaser, please!”
Oh I love the “why should you go and who else should go” portion of these episodes. And SURPRISE! Josh would pick Anya?! Wow. Kim wants to change the face of fashion… and I’m not sure I’d like that change. I’m not shocked that Kim would take the other girls with her. Anya is at least articulate, but that’s probably the beauty queen training. She returns the compliments to Josh and has great things to say about his aesthetic, and speaks very accurately about Viktor’s skills. Laura starts to lose it again, but manages to make a point. She’d pick Viktor and Anya, which isn’t much of a surprise either. Viktor, then, would take Josh and Anya. All these votes for Anya are surprising because of all the criticism she gets in the interview portions. Maybe they’d like her to go so they could beat her?
On their own, the judges go on and on about Anya. She’ll go to fashion week and I can’t understand why. Michael calls out Viktor for his successes and talents, and I think it’s a no-brainer that he goes to fashion week. Nina has some favorable things to say about Josh, and seems really passionate about having him in. I like that. So it looks like Laura and Kim may be on the chopping block. I like that Heidi has passion for Laura’s passion. There’s not a lot of good to say for Kimberly.
And now for the results. Josh is in! I’m not going to lie – I’m a little bit surprised. But good for him. And then his interview piece is something about people researching his book, and suddenly I’m confused. And they are sending four to make a collection (though really, the last nine all made collections), so one of these ladies is down for the count. And sadly, it’s Laura. The good news is she did get to show at fashion week, but she won’t win. I just don’t think Kim is actually going to make it for real. We’ll get to the episode where they show their collection before fashion week and hers will be downright frightening.
If I ever meet Laura on the road, I’m going to give her a big hug. This is downright sad.
What do you guys think? Should Laura have stayed? I think so. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!