Gossip Girl Season Finale Recap: “The Return of the Ring”

Spoilers ahoy for the season finale of Gossip Girl. This recap will begin with some wise words from a fellow LeakyNews editor who texted me after she had watched this week’s instalment:

I hope they make it a dark thriller for the last season. And it ends with Serena getting murdered. And Gossip Girl. And how dare they use We Are Young. THEY’RE NOT EVEN YOUNG.

WELL, PRECISELY. In forty-five short minutes, the Gossip Girl writers threw all the beautiful things out of the windows with the tired old GG classic: the ultimatum. Coupled with Bass’ daddy issues (conveniently now a possibility again seeing as his dad CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD) and a repulsive sugarcoating of his abuse and threats (“I lost my temper”), well boy, the writers screwed us good.

The worst thing about this program (and there are many bad things) isn’t how it skips over miscarriages and resurrections as episode fodder but the way in which it formulates relationships and the way women crumble around men. It makes being devastated desirable, rather than “strong and safe.” Safety becomes a bad thing, strength becomes a given, much better to be shattered by someone who has done nothing but manipulate you. A Divergent quotation comes to mind: “even though he saved me, he treated me like I was strong.” But in the case of the UES, damsel or strong woman are the only two options and by golly, why would you sacrifice the opportunity to be devastated? Yeah, that’s a guy you should fight for.

The reason why the dialogue was so damn wonderful between Dan and Blair this season was because that was a healthy, interesting relationship that only broke down when the writers decided they needed to pull out the old stuff (cheating at events related to the Shepherd family, aforementioned ultimatums, rooftop spats, getting screwed over by your dad, Serena on drugs).

Still, I have to admit I did love how everyone cut down Serena. I’m honestly still surprised she hasn’t been punched in the face yet. Hopefully she’ll stay away for a bit until a new character takes pity rather than one of the old failsafes. This editor can’t help but worry that the Rufus/Lily annulment is just a device to make Serena and Dan’s eventual reunion even less creepy.

And is Gossip Girl a guy? Or is that someone’s henchman? Or did it not even look like a guy? And of course Georgina’s back. And it’s cool that Lola gave Ivy the money. And in what world would Dan cheat on Serena? And of course Lily is screwing her sister over. And and and and and and and *collapses*

Just your standard Gossip Girl season finale. But my gosh it made me angry.

What did you guys think? Sound off in comments!

  • JuJu

    Good review. Someone posted on another forum that Blair is a whore, who’s just going back to her pimp. While, I don’t writers are portraying her. She has seriously no self respect, which is evident by the fact that she keeps taking Chuck AND Serena back when both equally treat her like shit and actively try to bring her down. Serena will probably overdose, and I’m sure Blair will be apologizing for daring to not want a back stabber for a friend. I hate this show.

  • Laura

    it was a whole new level of horrible. they completely fucked Blair. wtf was that?

  • http://leakynews.com LeakyNews

    “THEY’RE NOT EVEN YOUNG.” Rosi and Lex: I love you, but this is the part where I kill you. Love, Melissa

  • Nicole

    What I found the weirdest was that Dan and Blair didn’t actually end properly – they never even talked to each other about it! I’m really conflicted about who I want Blair to end up with. I really liked her with Dan, it was so nice, but I love her with Chuck, despite all the shitty stuff. But I don’t want her to be chasing him again, I want them to be equals for once. I’m glad Georgina is back, as she is one of the very few characters I actually like.

  • http://about.me/dshana Shana Debusschere

    I never fail to completely agree with you.

  • Robyn Barratt

    Awful. Awful. Awful. I was totally shocked (goodness knows why) at the writers! It wasn’t even remotely gripping. I was only irritated by their boring stories. For once, I would like to see a couple start a relationship, become stable, and stay there if not for the occasional spat. And maybe, just maybe, they could have someone be truly heartbroken and devastated by something other than a break up. By know means am I saying break ups can’t be devastating, but like you say, miscarriages and resurrections are seen as fillers between poorly told, slightly incestuous love stories. I sometimes think the writers forget that we need stability in the plot as much as all the twists and turns they recycle from season to season. Utterly disappointed.

  • Vanya is Azor Ahai

    Dan cheating on Blair with Serena isn’t that surprising, considering how much Dan doesn’t trust Blair (when it comes to Chuck), and in fairness his mistrust was justified. I really liked how this episode mirrored the events that preceded the pilot, where Dan and Serena had sex was a duplicate of the Nate and Serena betrayal, down to the occasion. Who knows, maybe they’ll bring back Eric or Jenny (the latter much less likely) to bring Serena back from whatever she’s going through, after all it is the final season.

  • http://elinious.tumblr.com Elinious

    I think the Dan and Serena thing was absolutely terrible. Not only because I am a big fan of Dair, but I mean, come ON?! What the hell?! I get that it refers back to the whole thing with Nate/Serena before the first ever episode, but using this to screw over Blair and Dan and to set up Serena’s ‘mental breakdown’/drug use was just too easy and obvious and unimaginative. And Serena’s sudden (re)attraction to Dan came pretty out of the blue for me, although I easily could have missed it in previous episodes as I pretty much block Serena bits out of my mind anyway. Do not like her.
    Chuck and his dad. Sigh. We did this already. Thoroughly. Do not want. The return of Chuck’s dad is so ridiculous and I hate how it’s screwing with Lily and Rufus. I’d really appreciate it if they throw Bart in front of a bus and let Lily and Rufus rekindle. I want GG to end with one lasting, loving relationship with people who belong together. Lily + Rufus have that (gaaawd otp much lol).
    Nate… he’s hot. Not really interested in his story.
    Oh and Gossip Girl! I don’t know, do we really want to know who she (or maybe he) is? I’m still on the fence on that one. Maybe it’s best if we never know.. mystery and shit you know!

    In short: Je suis disappoint. But still going to watch next (half) season!

    • http://www.youtube.com/missxrojas Rosianna

      “Nate… he’s hot. Not really interested in his story.”

      so accurate

  • http://twitter.com/Hannanananahh Hannah Ellen Clare

    I loved it actually haha. I’m a fan of Dan/Blair but also am a fan of Chuck/Blair and Dan/Serena and it was nice to see the tables turned with Chuck/Blair to see her pining after him. But as you said, a lot of things are inevitable. Gabe Saporta in it was weird though

    • Angie

      …but she;s been pining after him since forever?

  • Amber

    I gotta say I was pretty disappointed in this season finale. It was pretty expected, considering. They revert back to the old problems way too much. I want to see something new, something that’s going to make this last season go off with a BANG! I really don’t see that happening though at this point. The only real surprise I see coming is finding out who really is pulling the strings behind Gossip Girl. But somehow I wonder if even THAT will be a grande surprise. I guess we’ll see next season though, if anyone actually sticks around after that disastrous ending.

  • Jen

    Here via Melissa’s FB — well said! I can’t believe the writers spent so much time building up Dair, and supposedly having Blair grow up and evolve, only to throw it all away in one episode. And it is SO DISTURBING the way they set up the dysfunctional, abusive Chuck/Blair relationship as something glamorous. It’s reprehensible. I’ve watched this show since the pilot, but I am now officially done.

  • tayler

    5 seasons of buildup completely destroyed in 45 minutes. Slow clap for the GG writers.

  • Star

    It’s so nice to see someone who agrees with me how utterly horrible GG portrays women. Everything about the way they write offends me on a personal level, never have I watched a show that made me so ANGRY. Having Blair rejected on the rooftop of the hotel Chuck pimped her out for, having her tell him he has her after Dan told her she had him, and then Chuck telling her she wasn’t enough. RAGGGEEEEE! Now she has to fight for the guy who pimped her out, made her miserable, punched glass over her face, emotionally drained her with his problems and I am supposed to root for that. How about NO! It has made me just want to boycott the entire CW b/c I hate GG so much. LOL

    Anyways great recap, I agree with everything. I am not torturing myself anymore with this show, its horrible on every level and also it makes absolutely no sense.

  • alayne

    It was the worst finale ever. Character development? LOL who needs that! Let’s just tear down everything!

  • LovelyLiars

    after a full day to process this, i still cannot comprehend what the actual fuck just happened. at the risk of sounding like a broken record in echoing common sentiments, that was just such a horrendous train wreck on so many levels, making absolutely no sense whatsoever and basically rendering numerous episodes, lines of dialogue and even seasons completely worthless. like there was NO POINT or purpose to DB other than to prop CB. just…. a complete mess. i’m not even mad at CB being together. they can do whatever the hell they want at this point with those two. at this point, i am rooting for Dan/Revenge (and also i know i may be in the minority here, but i somehow still want to see DS reconcile… i still have s1/2 good memories of them and neither has fucked the other over nearly as much as the CB debacle)…. or hell, even Dan/Ivy… but you know what, what the hell do i know, there most likely is no real point to root for anything/anyone anymore, as absolutely everything will get fucked over spectacularly in due time

    • http://www.youtube.com/missxrojas Rosianna

      Dan/Revenge is my current ship of choice!

  • Jenny

    So True you recap, you said all

  • loling

    it makes no sense

  • http://twitter.com/AvaHart25 AvaHart25

    Thank you being honest.

  • http://twitter.com/kthxraven Raven Zoë

    The writers seriously lost their minds. This season was so good until Chuck’s father turned out to be alive. Like, I get it. Crazy plot twist. But you’re right, they have just gone back to the old standards and it’s horrible. IT’S BEEN DONE, GG WRITERS. Move on. Geez.

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