It seems the Glee writers have decided that, instead of advancing the storylines in an already convoluted and overly drawn out timeline, it’s a good time to write AU fanfiction from season 4 for the sake of selling a Christmas album!
Tonight’s episode is claimed to be something from the vault, an episode Fox deemed unairable. But what they haven’t told you is that it isn’t the only one. No, there was an alternate season finale*** that the powers that be also decided not to air in favor of dragging the school year out into two seasons. But I got my hands on a copy before it was axed and tonight I take a page from Glee’s playbook and bring you my Previously Unpublished Recap.
Hold onto your horses, guys, because holy crap. I never thought Glee would so blatantly rip off Joss Whedon but apparently we’ve reached that point.
We open with Sue on the phone to someone unknown, Becky dutifully taking notes by her side. Graduation is that weekend and she has…plans. Plans of what kind, we’re not sure, but from her constant mentions of rueing the day, they can’t be good.
At McKinley, the New Directions are celebrating their win at Nationals, which we only see in a YouTube clip montage because the writers are really shoehorning the rest of the school year in but that’s okay because it means sticking to a normal calendar year and next year focusing more on New York! The seniors try their best to pass on words of wisdom to the younger members of ND but they know none of us will never see them again, so instead we get a strange but touching rendition of “We’ve Only Just Begun” from Sam and Artie. I’m impressed that they managed such an intricate foxtrot with Kevin in that wheelchair and even though it’s awkward, I’ll still listen to Kevin sing anything. And hallelujah for Chord getting a haircut!
Cut to New York! Man, I’ll be glad when the whole show moves to New York so we don’t have to deal with these constant shifts of focus. Our loft-dwellers are preparing for a trip back to Ohio (hopefully their last for a while) to see their friends graduate. Kurt is still on the fence over reconciling with Blaine but he’s leaning toward yes, and Santana is just hoping Brittany comes back to walk in graduation so she can properly say goodbye. She’s apparently forgotten that MIT is on the same coast as NYC and that they can still be friends even if they aren’t dating.
Santana finds Kurt moping in that one classroom at NYADA (is that why they let in so few students? Is campus just that one room?) and they lament their frustrations – Kurt’s choppy adjustment to NYADA and fizzled-before-it-started relationship with Adam, Santana’s struggle to find a direction that isn’t filled with sleazy casting agents and lack of romantic success in a city of millions – which, of course, turn into the Kurtana duet we’ve been waiting years for. Please, just let these two sing every 80s power pop song because “Sweet Dreams” was perfect. Excellent use of that scaffolding, too.
Back to Lima! It’s the last day of school and Mr. Schuester gathers the kids in the auditorium to give his yearly emotional support speech. This group of seniors is special to him – last year’s were too, of course, but while they had struggles to overcome they were almost detrimentally overconfident about it. The current crop of graduates was plagued by insecurity as well, and watching them overcome it has been one of his greatest joys. He hopes that they’ll come back from time to time like the others have, because what they’ve built in that room was special. “People like us?” he starts. “We’ve gotta stick together.” HE SAID THE THING. On cue, Marley starts Kelly Clarkson’s “People Like Us” and as the remaining members of ND each grab one of the graduates, we get one last spirited group performance in the auditorium. As much as I’m ready to move on, I’ll miss these.
(***There was no alternate season finale. Hopefully by now you have figured out that this is a parody and reaction to the Glee writers’ questionable decisions. If not, this is your notice.***)